Being cheated on can be hard on your self-esteem. It’s one of those things in life that can cause a whole storm of emotions. If there’s a chance that your partner is unfaithful to you, it’s important to find this out as soon as possible.
Just know that you’re not alone in this. In fact, according to PR Newswire, America is one of the countries with the highest rates of cheating, with 71% of people who took part in a survey admitting to having an extramarital relationship.
This post will help you regain control by taking measured, logical actions to get the facts and gather evidence regarding potential infidelity.
There are two things to consider: Catching a cheater and exposing a cheater. To expose a cheating husband or a cheating wife, you’re going to need to catch them first. Gathering evidence will let you know whether your feelings are based on reality. Then you can decide how you’ll respond.
How to Spot a Cheating Spouse
In body language, you look for clusters of tells. If someone crosses their arms, it might mean they’re feeling defensive. It could also mean they’re cold or simply feel more comfortable doing that with their arms. However, folded arms, crossed legs, tight lips, and frowning provide hard evidence that a person is not receptive to what’s happening or being said.
Similarly, when you’re trying to spot whether your significant other is cheating, it’s wise to look for clusters of clues and signs.
Look out for the following when observing your partner’s behavior.
Emotional distance: If a partner seems to withdraw from you, they may be satisfying their needs for emotional intimacy elsewhere.
Sex life changes: The same goes for sexual interest. If your partner’s sexual behavior could be described as “going through the motions,” they may be satisfying their libido by cheating.
Paying more attention to their appearance than usual: A woman who suddenly starts wearing heavy make-up or a man taking unusual care with his clothing and appearance are signs that cheating may be occurring.
Taking their phone with them all the time: Either your partner has a screen addiction or they have something to hide on their mobile device.
Using a phone lock code or the touch ID feature: Using security settings to prevent unauthorized access to a phone is commendable. The problem is when it constitutes unusual behavior and appears with other signs of cheating.
Late-night phone calls or text messages: A late-night incoming call or message could be a sign of infidelity. But it’s just that. A sign. Don’t act on this alone without as much evidence as you can find.
Going out at unusual hours: If they’re suddenly working long hours at the office or going out with friends you’ve never heard of, they could be organizing illicit flings.
How to Catch a Cheating Partner
Here are a few things you can do if you suspect your partner is being unfaithful to you.
1. Keep a journal
When you think your partner might be cheating on you, it’s easy to start feeling like you’re going crazy. Are there really more late nights than usual? Did they really give you three different stories about where they were going, or did you misunderstand?
You can stop second-guessing yourself by keeping a record of all the signs your partner may be cheating. When you look back at the evidence gathered over time, it will likely confirm your suspicions or make you realize that you’ve been reading too much into things.
The journal will also give you evidence if you decide to confront your cheating partner. It could even come in handy if you end up in a legal dispute.
Besides, it may be helpful to get some of those unsettling thoughts out of your head onto paper.
2. Use a private investigator
Some people consider using a pro to investigate a disloyal husband or wife. A trained, experienced professional — especially an investigator with experience in finding cheating partners — has the time, skills, and resources to save you time and heartache.
They won’t save you money though. They can be pricey, but they can also shine a light on those feelings of betrayal and help you save or end your relationship.
Before turning to a private investigator, make an effort to gather evidence yourself. By doing this, you can ensure that there’s a genuine cause for concern before you throw money and involve a third party. And your evidence will help the private investigator find proof if it exists.
3. Go through their phone messages
Phone messages are the number one way people get caught out when cheating on their partners. If you have suspicions, prioritize getting hold of your partner’s phone.
You may ask if you can borrow the phone to make a quick call, find your own phone, check the weather, or do some other small task. Watch your partner’s face for panic. They may outright say no, which could be a good sign that they’re hiding something.
The other way to access your partner’s phone is to do so without asking. If you’re married or are in a long-term relationship, this is probably okay, but you’re starting to get into morally ambiguous areas here.
The second you have their phone, get straight to the messaging apps. It’s worth searching Facebook Messenger for recent chats. In addition, WhatsApp, Snapchat, and Telegram should be high on your list.
Note that the name of the person your partner might be cheating on you with may not be stored under their real name. Look out for unfeasibly exciting hidden messages under “accounting department” or “spam caller.”
You should also check the phone’s deleted messages. The cheater’s instinct will likely be to hide any damning communications, but they may not go as far as attempting to delete them permanently.
4. Check their computer
If you have your spouse’s consent to use their computer, note that another sneaky place for hidden messages is shared notes apps and shared Google Docs. Checking these areas would constitute fairly thorough research.
Browser history is another important place to look. When you start typing into Google, it may auto-fill recent searches, which might help you find out where your partner has been cheating, such as via dating apps. Note that their email trash folder is where evidence is likely to be, so make sure to review it, too.
5. Examine their cell phone calls
Late-night calls to and from the same number are giveaways. You can find out who the number belongs to through Nuwber’s reverse phone lookup, which will give you a wealth of information, including the person’s location and social media platforms.
While you’re at it, see if your partner is using dating apps, like Tinder. Many people consider using Tinder the same as cheating.
If you can’t get hold of their phone, see if you can check out their phone statement. Phone bills can give you helpful information.
6. Inspect bank statements
Look out for items on statements that signal an affair might be taking place. You haven’t received flowers in a restaurant and haven’t then spent the night in a hotel, so why is it on the statement? If you have a joint account, checking these statements will be easy and you’ll be within your rights to do so.
7. Ask them
Some people advocate open and honest communication as the best way to find out if or why a partner is cheating. However, if your partner is a cheater, there’s a good chance that it won’t be so simple to achieve honest communication. Trust is already an issue.
Communication is key to building, nurturing, and repairing relationships. So this is worth doing as part of your investigation and strategy, but don’t rely on it entirely.
When faced with the truth, many cheaters double down on their lies. For this reason, it can be better to gather overwhelming evidence before confronting them.
8. Try a couples therapist
Therapists have a knack for gently eliciting information. They can also provide a safe space in which you and your partner can discuss your partner’s activities honestly and sort out your relationship.
9. Ask your friends
It might be painful to ask your friends if your partner is cheating, but they might be relieved that you suspect something. In some cases, friends don’t want to be the ones to tell you and risk your relationship, but once it’s out in the open, they can reveal their observations and help you through a difficult time.
10. Make fake accounts to catch a cheater
Some people go ahead and create fake social media accounts to test their partners’ loyalty. Remember this behavior is a breach of trust and can lead to serious consequences in a relationship. But it can be a powerful weapon for those who use it.
Expose That Cheater
Being cheated on can feel awful. But sometimes the idea of being cheated on can be worse than finding out the truth. Use these tips to get to the bottom of what’s going on, and then you can make an informed decision about how you want to live your life. And who with.
FAQ
What is the best way to expose a cheater?
Often, the best way to expose a cheating spouse or partner is to do so calmly, face-to-face, with a whole load of overwhelming evidence on your side.
Your partner will probably be defensive and say that you’re insane, but simply explain how you feel and how the evidence makes things look and invite them to have a full, honest discussion with you.
What do you say to someone who cheated on you?
The truth. It’s time for someone to tell the truth.
Explain what you know. Explain how you feel. And say that it’s time for communication and change. Whether change means repairing the relationship problems or moving on will depend on you both.
Don’t do it online or via messaging apps. It might feel good to blow your partner up online, but you risk being misunderstood or dragging others into your business, which is unlikely to end well for you.
Why do cheaters get angry when caught?
Don’t be too overwhelmed by their outburst of anger. Slamming doors and leaving the room or house may be a ploy to gain time to think and get their story straight.
Cheaters also get angry because of the associated feelings of shame and guilt. They may feel humiliated that they’ve been caught. None of these emotions bring out the best in people.
What will a cheater do when being confronted?
While anger and denial are typical responses to being confronted about cheating, you’re the best judge of how your partner will react. If you’re concerned that they may become violent or vindictive, you might arrange to have a third person present. Alternatively, you might decide to end the relationship without broaching the infidelity.
Is it illegal to expose a cheater?
Well, some of the things that people do to expose a cheater might not be legal in your location. For example, following a person 24/7 to see if they cheat on you could be considered stalking. Hiring an investigator is a good way to get around this issue.
If you’re married, you’ll have more rights to the other person’s information. For example, you may have a joint account, so you won’t be tempted to go through their trash to steal their bank statements.
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