Each breakup is different, and not all relationships end up on a bitter note. With time, many emotional wounds can heal and barely leave a scar. So, there’s no reason for former partners to avoid each other forever. In fact, statistical evidence shows that 71% of people continue to stay in touch with their exes after a breakup.
Of course, when you’ve parted ways with your ex amicably, being friends could be easier. But even then, things can get awkward at times.
If you’re considering reaching out to your former partner, this article is for you. We discuss essential steps you must take to reconnect and build a meaningful relationship with your ex without allowing old wounds to resurface.
Effective Ways to Reconnect With an Ex
Before you decide to get back with an ex-partner, spend time in self-reflection to determine whether you really should.
Is it worthwhile reigniting your relationship? Is it possible to rebuild trust? What’s changed since the breakup?
Remember, ending a long distance relationship due to a lack of physical intimacy is different from breaking up with a cheating partner. Some people are manipulative, abusive, and disrespectful. And getting back with someone like that won’t make sense.
But if you’re ready to change the narrative and start a new chapter in your life with your ex, it’s time to take the leap. Here’s how.
Set Your Expectations
Reaching out to an ex can be an emotional experience. So, thinking through what you aim to achieve in the first place is important. How smoothly the process will unravel will depend on your goals and objectives.
If you attempt to reconnect because you’re lonely, feeling jealous, or in need of validation and a self-esteem boost, there’s a good chance of severing ties again.
So, ask yourself what you seek. Are you looking for closure? Do you want to be friends? Or do you still have lingering feelings and want to explore the possibilities of a romantic reunion?
Whatever your reasons, consider the likelihood of your ex sharing the same goals. A lot will rest on where you left things off.
If you’re having doubts, talk to friends and family to get a second opinion.
Determine the Best Way to Approach Your Ex
What’s the best medium to initiate contact? Many people prefer social media and messaging apps.
DMs and text messages allow you to take your time to formulate your thoughts into words without undue pressure. It’s also easier to avoid altercations when using text-based communication.
Some, however, might feel more comfortable with a simple phone call. This is always a better option than texting, especially when you’ve parted ways on good terms. If your ex’s contact details have changed, you can use Nuwber to dig up their current phone number.
But if you’re up for it, an unplanned meetup in person could be even more effective.
To make things less awkward, it might be a good idea to get the help of mutual friends to arrange an impromptu meeting with your old flame.
Initiate Contact, But Take Things Slow
If you’ve decided to contact your ex via a text message, keep it brief. Start with a simple hello. Use a special occasion like their birthday or just casually check in.
But avoid sending follow-up messages until your ex responds; The last thing you want is to harass them or come across as desperate.
Give them space to respond. When they do, focus on catching up on each other’s lives and stick to general topics, such as shared interests.
Of course, once the conversation gets going, you can take things up a notch. If you’re comfortable seeing each other in person, arrange to meet at a public location.
But remember to take things slow. Treat it like a new relationship and avoid the temptation to jump straight into a friendship or romantic relationship.
Have an Open and Honest Conversation
To make any relationship work, you must first focus on rebuilding trust. For this, honest conversations and mutual respect are pivotal.
Be open about what you both like to achieve and how you want to proceed. Avoid dwelling on the past and focus on the present and the future instead.
Note that your ex might have a different perspective on how things ended. So, don’t just focus on your own needs and be receptive to their views and emotions.
Acknowledge your ex’s feelings and express genuine remorse about any mistakes you’ve made. Remember, it’s just as difficult for them as it is for you. And they likely have gone through the same emotions as you. So, maintain a two-way dialogue, listen actively, empathize, and let them feel heard.
Moreover, ensure you’re consistent in your words and actions. Set clear boundaries so you both remain firmly focused on achieving your goals.
In Conclusion
For many people, reconnecting with a former partner can be an emotional journey. After all, some wounds take longer to heal than others, and there’s always the risk of history repeating itself.
If you want to get back with your ex, ensure you’re ready to take the leap and understand your reasons for it. Do you want to be friends or rekindle a romantic reunion?
Then, decide the best way to approach your ex and initiate contact. But take things slow and give them enough space. Focus on open and honest communication with empathy and active listening to build trust and confidence.
Nurturing healthy relationships requires time and diligent effort. However, with the right approach and attitude, you can create a stronger bond.
And if it doesn’t seem to be working out, it’s totally fine to walk away.
FAQ
What is the best way to heal after a breakup?
Moving forward after a bad breakup can often feel like a struggle, especially when certain underlying issues create deeper wounds.
Regardless of how the relationship ended, it’s important to prioritize your own well-being. Remember, a nasty breakup could take a toll on your mental health, self-confidence, and self-respect, which may trigger a series of negative emotions.
Therefore, practice self-care, journal, meditate, and find a healthy distraction in your hobbies and interests. At the same time, take a break from relationships without rushing into a new one to seek temporary comfort. You might also need to speak to a therapist to ensure you’re ready to start dating again.
Can getting back with an ex really work?
Relationship studies suggest that as many as 60% of people get back with their partner after a breakup. However, the chances of working things out with your ex could depend on a variety of factors.
For instance, both you and your partner should feel ready to get back together and be prepared to give it another try.
With the right intent and approach, you’re in a better position to re-attract your ex and restart a fulfilling relationship. To ensure success, keep an open mind, avoid negativity, focus on personal growth and self-improvement, and encourage a two-way dialogue for both partners to feel heard.
What are the pros and cons of igniting a past relationship?
For some people, reconnecting with an ex can provide closure. This is important for letting things go and moving on with their lives.
Time apart could also create an opportunity to reflect and see things differently. It can lead to a fresh start with your former partner — this time with a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and emotions.
However, if your attempt to reconnect fails, rejection could be painful. It could open up old wounds, too. Besides, people change with time, and the initial spark you had with your ex might no longer be there. So, mentally preparing yourself for these scenarios is vital before you consider a reunion.
When is the right time to revive an old relationship?
There’s no specific time period to wait before giving things a second shot. For many people, it could take anywhere from one to three months. With married couples, it can take longer.
If you want to get your ex back, you must first ensure you’ve both healed from past emotional trauma.
The healing process is different for each person. For instance, studies show that men take a relatively longer time to recover from a relationship than women. A messy breakup could also prolong the time it takes to heal.
Therefore, waiting until both you and your ex have fully overcome the emotional wounds is always best before giving your relationship another go.
What should I do if my ex doesn’t reply to my messages?
If you haven’t received a response from your ex, don’t overlook the possibility they’re busy or unwell. But there’s also a chance they’re ignoring you on purpose.
Keep in mind that they might not be on the same page with you on how things ended. Just because you’re ready to reignite a relationship, it’s wrong to assume your ex is too. Certain relationship issues take time to recover from, and some could be irreparable.
If your former partner is avoiding contact, know that it’s not a big deal — what’s important is that you’ve given it a try. Respect their wishes and provide them with space. Perhaps, it’s time to move on with your own life.
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